So, I made an appointment with a highly recommended orthopedist and filled out the paperwork on-line. When I arrived at the stark-white waiting room, the young receptionist gave me even more paper work to fill out.  On the paperwork, there was a diagram of the human body, and I was supposed to indicate which limb or joint was bothering me.  Well, I had multiple joint pain.  How could I choose?  Then I saw that you could ask for more paperwork if you have a secondary problem.  So I told the aloof receptionist that I had multiple joint pain and asked for the extra paperwork.  She looked puzzled and said just to “X” all the spots that bothered me and to tell the doctor when I saw him.  So, I placed an “X” on about six spots. I indicated that the primary problem was my right hip and the secondary, my back.

When my name was called, they took an X-ray of my right hip.  It made more sense to me why they wanted me to choose only one area. They didn’t want to X-ray your entire body.  I told the nurse that I liked the fact that they had their own X-ray machine.  The nurse explained that the doctors want all the information to make their diagnosis before the patient leaves.  I was happy about that.

My friend told me that this doctor would like a GQ model and she wasn’t kidding.  That doesn’t really impress me, though.  I’ve often found that arrogance goes along with the good looks.  To his credit, he was very nice and caring.  He checked my range of motion and told me that my hips were very weak.  He expected to see a lot of arthritis on the X-ray, but when he looked at it, there was only a little.  I told him about my knee and foot pain, and he recommended physical therapy for my hips.  He said that that should also take care of the lower extremity pain.  When I asked about my back, he said he would include back therapy, too, when he wrote the script for PT.  Basically, I was getting arthritis because I was getting older.

I had one more question for the doctor.  Recently, a friend of mine went to the doctor for hip pain.  She was an avid runner and always watched what she ate.  She found out that her hip pain was from metastatic lung cancer even though she never smoked!  Sadly, she died about a year later.  I wanted the doctor to reassure me that my pain wasn’t from anything systemic.  He told me, and I quote, “That is not even on my radar.  It isn’t cancer, it isn’t an infection, it’s nothing systemic, its just arthritis.”  I was relieved…at least for a little while. To be continued…

I haven’t written in a while, but I decided to revive this blog to share my journey with Lyme’s disease.  Hopefully, I’ll find out that it was discovered early enough that I will be 100% cured, and that this journey will be short.  But, if not, I’ll let you know how it goes.

A few months ago, I was bitten by a deer tick on my arm.  Don’t confuse these with dog ticks, deer ticks are very tiny.  My arm was a little red, but there was no rash, and I didn’t get a fever.  I showed it to Shawn and questioned whether I should go to the doctor  (I SHOULD HAVE). Shawn also had Lyme disease, but he had the classic bull’s eye rash, fever, and chills.  He went to his doctor and the physician’s assistant recognized it right away.  He was promptly treated and cured.

Because I didn’t experience symptoms right away, I quickly forgot about the bite.  It wasn’t until months later that I started having symptoms.  I have a routine of walking/jogging 3 miles, 3-4 times a week and never had a problem.  But when I decided to cross-train on the treadmill, I adjusted the settings too high and completely overdid it.  I think the Lyme’s popped at that time.  I broke out into what I thought was hives, and my back and neck became very sore.  You can get hives and sore muscles from overdoing it, so that’s what I thought it was.

After researching what would be a more appropriate speed and incline for me, I reduced the treadmill settings dramatically.  I still became sore in my back and neck.  I blamed it on the treadmill and went back to my routine of brisk-walking/jogging.  After I completed my usual 3 mile jaunt, I would be fine…until the next day.  My hips, knees and inside of my feet would all hurt.  I would rest for a few days, and try it again.  The same thing kept happening.  I remember visiting Cape May, New Jersey, around that time.  Shawn, my two daughters, Laura, Kayla, and I toured an old Victorian home.  At one point, I told Shawn that I needed to sit down, I couldn’t stand.  My joints hurt too much.  I noticed my left knee was swollen and my right hip still hurt.  Even though I could walk, it hurt to crouch to get things out of my drawer at work.  Every time I tried to exercise, it exacerbated my symptoms.  It was clear that it was time to see a doctor, so I made an appointment with an orthopedist.  To be continued…

This past Sunday’s gospel from John 20:19-31 is one of my favorites.  I can so relate to doubting Thomas.  Growing up with no religion or belief in God, I became a lover of science–still am.  I studied biology and medical laboratory science in school and was one of those people who wanted to believe in God but needed proof.  I explained this to my college roommate at the time, and she told me to pray for God to reveal Himself to me.  So, I did, and He did reveal Himself in a big way (a long story for another time).

As my love of Christ and faith grew, I became more active in the Catholic Church and joined many activities.  One time, I was asked to become a team member in putting together a women’s retreat weekend. Eagerly, I agreed.  The team members met once a week for eight weeks at the team leader’s house.  The team leader for that weekend lived about an hour and half from my home, so I carpooled with two other women.  I loved and looked forward to the team meetings.  I admired the women on my team and was nourished by listening to each of their witnesses’.

Well, one evening, on the way home, the two women who I commuted with each revealed to me that Christ had appeared to them.  I mean they actually seen Him! My reaction was probably the same as yours: disbelief.  I mean, does Jesus actually appear to people in this day and age? But I liked these women and didn’t want to doubt their stories.  Besides, who am I to say that they didn’t see Jesus?  So, I just kept quiet and listened, feeling inexplicably disturbed.

When I got home, I told my husband, Shawn, about the two women who claimed to have seen Jesus.  I figured out that I was feeling slighted or maybe not holy enough.  I mean, if Jesus really did appear to them, then why wasn’t he appearing to me? Was I doing something wrong?

And here’s one of the many reasons why I love my husband.  Without missing a beat, he responded, “Doesn’t it say somewhere in the Bible, ‘Blessed are those have not seen and believed?'” He was referring to this gospel passage where Jesus questions Thomas and asks, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me?  Blessed are those who have not seen and believed.”  Jesus’ words make me realize that I don’t need to see to believe.  I just know.

Christians pray “The Lord’s Prayer” often, if not every day.  If we aren’t careful, the prayer can become routine.  Because this is the prayer that Jesus gave to us, it is important to take the time to think about the meaning behind His words.

A number of years ago, a family member of an acquaintance of mine was brutally murdered.  This upset me and caused me to really think about the Lord’s Prayer.  In particular, I meditated on the words, “deliver us from evil.” What does this mean?  Evil is a mystery.  I don’t know why there is evil in the world, or why people choose evil.  People often commit sin out of weakness, but to deliberately choose to harm or destroy another living being is so hard to fathom.  We find ourselves asking why?  Why does God allow it?  Why doesn’t an omnipotent God protect us?

Many Christians, including myself, have a conscious or subconscious expectation that if we are good, God will protect us.  So, it stuns and shocks us when bad things happen to good people.  After all, we have been praying to God to “deliver us from evil.”

I got chills when I first realized that I was mistaking the term “deliver” for the term “protect.”  We can pray for God to protect us and our families from evil and, believe me, I do.  But Jesus doesn’t ask for protection, he asks for deliverance.  Jesus, God’s only begotten Son, was not protected from evil! So, why should we expect to be treated any different?  What a scary realization.  The “One Without Sin” became the sacrificial lamb and was humiliated, tortured and crucified. It wasn’t until after his death that he was delivered.  The term delivered means freed or released.  I find no comfort in this.

I wish evil didn’t exist.  I believe God allows it because He wants us to have free will.  He wants us to choose good, and by choosing good that means choosing Him.  It is our responsibility to make the world a better place by eradicating evil.  Remember, Jesus also prayed, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.” It starts with us.  We need to do whatever we can, in our own little corner of the world, to protect the vulnerable from those who would cause harm.

Most importantly, we must never forget how God turned the grave evil that Jesus endured into a grand victory over death and sin.  Jesus’ death on the cross allowed that all might be saved and be able to live with God in heaven for all eternity.  And in heaven…there is no evil.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.” John 3:16

This is one of the most familiar scriptures from the Gospels.  Many Christians, including myself, find it beautifully soothing because Jesus announces that he has not come to condemn the world but to save it.  Others don’t find it so soothing.

Somebody close to me asked once, “What kind of God would condemn people just because they don’t believe in Him?” I thought about this.  Jesus isn’t talking about belief in the same way as believing in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.  Rather, he is talking about a disposition.  By disposition, I mean an attitude of openness to truth and a searching for goodness.

Most people who don’t believe in Jesus Christ are people who have never met him in the Gospels.  The only exposure to Christ that these nonbelievers have is what they see in the media or what they observe from imperfect Christians.  Let’s face it, while there are many inspiring followers of Christ in the world, there are also many whose discipleship lacks any depth.

Most nonbelievers yearn for goodness and light.  If they were to meet Christ, Himself, at the moment of death, they wouldn’t turn away.  They wouldn’t be condemned.  My hope, though, is that they will meet Him during their life.  The best way to meet Him is to actually read the Gospels, because if you don’t know the Gospels, you don’t know Christ.  People won’t actually do that unless they are inspired in some way.  For this reason, it is important for Christians to live fully in the light.  Pope Francis is a great example of this.  He has many nonbelievers taking notice.  We must all strive to be like him.

It is a choice to turn away from Jesus.  In John 6:37, Jesus says, “…I will not reject anyone who comes to me…” Jesus came so that everyone could be saved.  Some people choose to live in darkness. They don’t want their evil deeds exposed.   In order to come into the light, they must be cleansed.  The stronger the sin, the more painful this process will be.  One can choose to avoid this pain and remain in the darkness, but this obstinate disposition will not get you into the Kingdom of God.

In this past Sunday’s Gospel, we have Jesus rebuking the money changers in the temple for making his Father’s house a marketplace. This is another passage that shows the depth of Jesus’ humanness in his display of passionate anger. Later in the passage, we are told that many came to believe in him after seeing all that he was doing.  The passage ends with two rather curious lines:

“But Jesus would not trust himself to them because he knew them all, and did not need anyone to testify about human nature. He himself understood it well.”  John 2:24-25.

What is it about human nature that causes us to destroy good?  Jesus knew it would happen. People are often threatened by good.  Why do we allow the devil to take over just to feel more powerful?

Earlier in the week, we had a reading from Jeremiah 18:18:

“Come, let us contrive a plot against Jeremiah….
And so, let us destroy him by his own tongue;
let us carefully note his every word.”

A more modern term for this phenomenon would be bullying. It happens everywhere, not just the school yard.  The victim is usually a good person but considered weak in some way.  Rather than help the person, the perpetrators mock, marginalize and humiliate the victim.  Often the victim is physically harmed and his/her reputation ruined. The emotional pain felt by the victim is devastating and may even lead to suicide or acts of violence against others.  Jesus knew this side of human nature, and he knew his time was coming.  He would experience exquisite suffering and death on the cross.  The difference is that while Jesus experienced excruciating emotional and physical pain, he wasn’t a victim.  He gave of himself freely, so that we might choose to join him in goodness in unity with God the Father and the Holy Spirit.

Let us be aware of those moments when we might be participating in the mocking, marginalization, and humiliation of others.  Let us choose the more courageous act of bringing good to an ugly situation.

I love the hope of the Transfiguration.  On Mt. Taber, Peter, James, and John saw Jesus’ face change as he was praying (Luke 9:29), and “his clothes became a dazzling white.”  The prophets, Moses and Elijah, also appear.  Here, we get a glimpse of the beauty of the world to come, heaven.  Many people who have had near-death experiences also speak of an indescribably beautiful white light.  I believe this to be one and the same,

Then, of course, we have Peter.   God love him, Peter, in his nervous excitement, wants to make three tents, one for Moses, one for Elijah, and one for Jesus.  The rapturous moment is then ruined, and a dark cloud is caste over them.  God, the Father, says about Jesus, “This is my beloved Son, listen to him,” and Moses and Elijah disappear.

Jesus cannot be put in the same tent as Moses and Elijah.  As holy as those two prophets were, Jesus must be distinguished. He is the “eternally begotten Son of God,” our one and only true salvation.  We must listen to Him.