Life is short. It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I am 60 years old, yet it is true. While I am grateful and feel blessed to have lived this long, especially when so many others haven’t had the same opportunity, it is still a shock. I have learned a lot of lessons during my 60 years on this planet, and I thought I’d share some of what I’ve learned.

Step out of Your Comfort Zone.

When I was in high school, I was painfully shy and socially awkward. I had little self-confidence and little self-esteem. I think I missed out on a lot of fun because of that. Gradually, through my life, I took small, scary steps to socialize more with others. Eventually, I became the person I am, today, who doesn’t hesitate to express my opinion no matter what others think. I am blessed with many friends and am at ease with making new ones.

Stop the Negative Self-Talk

One reason I was so socially awkward was because of all of my negative self-talk. I am so ugly. I am so stupid. I hate myself. Yes, these are thoughts that I had. I was my own worst enemy. It wasn’t until much later in life that I learned to stop this hateful self-talk. Now, I replace it with positive, confidence-building talk. Be kind to yourself.

Know What You Like and Stop Pleasing Others

Many years ago, when Shawn and I were first married, we needed to pick out colors and wallpaper for our new house. I wanted to invite my mom along. Shawn was against it. He had nothing against my mom, but he said to me, “I want you to pick out what YOU like, not what your mother likes.” I was too easily influenced by other people’s opinions. In all honesty, back then, I didn’t even know what I liked. But it became super fun figuring it out. Today, many houses are colored in shades of gray. If that is what you like, then good for you. But if not, I would challenge you to ask yourself what really appeals to you, and take the risk to choose that instead.

Learn to Think for Yourself

So many people’s opinions are not really their own opinions. They hold the opinions of the groups with whom they associate. Break away from the group and evaluate different sources of information. Come to your own conclusions and develop an original opinion.

Search for the Truth

Especially if you are a person of faith, it is important to search for the truth. If you claim to be a Christian, read the New Testament. In politics, consider opposite points of view. Avoiding information that contradicts what you want to believe is called willful ignorance.

Ask God to Reveal Himself to You

If you don’t know whether or not God exists, ask Him to reveal Himself to you, and He will.

Singles: Break Off that Romantic Relationship that isn’t Working for You

We can get comfortable in our romantic relationships. Sometimes, especially if we have negative self-talk, we feel if we lose our relationship, no one else will love us. Wrong. For one, you must love yourself, first, in order to have a healthy relationship. Two, you are loveable. In addition to that, if you stay in that bad relationship, you won’t be available when the right person comes along.

Don’t Stop Learning

At age 45, I went back to school for medical laboratory science. I love my work and only wish I had done it sooner. I continue to learn and grow. I once considered going back to school, again, for a master’s degree in business or education–any graduate degree I could do mostly online, while still working. But, knowing myself, I realized what I really liked was the science–particularly the science of hematology. So, instead, I studied to get my ASCP certificate as a specialist in hematology. Now, I am the hematology clinical instructor at my hospital. Along with my colleagues, I instruct University of Delaware medical laboratory science students on clinical rotation, train new employees, and even give medical residents a comprehensive tour of the hematology laboratory.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

One of the causes of negative self-talk, I believe, is from comparing ourselves to others. When we envy people who we deem better-looking, more talented, more creative, more wealthy, more athletic, etc. than ourselves; it diminishes our feelings of self-worth. The truth is, we all have an excellence that is only our own. We have all been gifted with the strengths and weaknesses we need for the lessons we are each here, individually, to learn. Besides, the most beautiful, most wealthy, and most talented people are not always happy.

Wear Sunscreen and Use Moisturizer

I remember watching a Phil Donahue show back in the seventies, and there was a dermatologist who said to be sure to take care of the only skin you have. That stuck with me. I have always used sunscreen, and I moisturize my face and neck nightly.

Find a Way to Keep Fit

I don’t always feel like working out, but I do it anyway. I run on the treadmill when I get home from work, three days a week. It is a way to burn calories and keep in shape. I listen to heavy metal music while I work out because it energizes me when I feel depleted, and it helps to pound out stress and negative feelings.

Learn to Delay Your Gratification

I consider working out a form of delaying gratification because I usually don’t feel like doing it when I get home from work. I would rather go right to the refrigerator and start eating. But the rewards of working out keep me disciplined. I feel better about myself when I keep up with my fitness goals because I am in better shape and it helps me to keep my weight down. It also prepares me for my favorite things to do in the world: Hike and travel.

Develop a Prayer Life

No matter what your religious beliefs are, prayer is important. I pray for my family and friends, coworkers, those in need, those who have asked for prayers, our country, our Earth and so on. I even pray for my enemies, even though that one is tough. It helps if you include a prayer that justice will be served. I also pray for those who have died, and the list gets longer and longer as I age. I would like to try yoga, and my goal is to become better at meditation. It is just so hard for me to make the time and to sit still. When I do try to meditate, I am usually so exhausted that I fall asleep, instead.

Get Enough Sleep

Still working on this one. My shift is generally 6:00 am until 2:30 pm. Despite going to bed early because I wake up early, I still don’t get enough sleep. I just lay in bed trying to get to sleep. When I used to work the 3:00 pm to 11:30 pm shift, I got the best sleep. I would come home from work, watch a little TV during the late night, and then sleep in as long as I needed. I think about going back to evening shift a lot.

Find a Creative Outlet

I don’t remember actually thinking, “I am going to write a novel,” but I started to write scenes. I studied books about writing and editing and weaved the scenes together into a novel. Now, I have a self-published book. While I won’t be able to quit my day job with the small amount of money I have made, I do have the satisfaction of knowing that I created something from nothing. My novel is also a window into the eighties. While the storyline is outlandish at times, is a record of growing up in that era.

People will Name Your Gifts

Discover your gifts and talents and develop them. A priest once told me, “People will name your gifts.” I had been told many times that I was a good writer. So, I felt a responsibility to try to develop that gift. That’s when I started writing the scenes that were weaved into my novel. Listen to what people tell you. If people tell you that you are a great teacher, a great storyteller, a great artist, etc. consider exploring and developing those gifts. It is most likely part of your mission in life.

Hike/Travel/Explore the World

My first time on a plane wasn’t until age 42, but I was hooked. My first time out of the USA was at age 55, but I visited five countries during that trip, and I’ve been to many states. I love beautiful landscapes and experiencing different cultures. Nothing is more thrilling to me than to hike up a gorgeous mountain and to see a tremendous view. Our earth is incredible.

Don’t Miss Opportunities

If you get a chance to see a favorite musician or group, go! Musicians die, bands break up. If you get a chance to explore a country you’ve never been to, go! Of course, you have to be aware of what you can and can’t afford but realize you may never get that chance again.

Remove Yourself from Toxic Situations

If you are in a workplace or any other situation in which you are bullied or abused, love yourself enough to get out.

Develop a Thick Skin

I’m still working on this one. I don’t know if healthcare attracts mean people or makes people mean, but I have run into a lot of bullies in this profession. I tend to be a sensitive soul, and thus, an easy target. I have had to toughen up and learn to let things roll off my back. Gaining experience and growing confidence also has helped tremendously.

Stop Beating Yourself Up and Lose Your Perfectionism

Oh, boy, I haven’t conquered this one, but I keep trying. It is really difficult when you are a perfectionist working in healthcare. All healthcare professionals fear making mistakes because they can literally be deadly to patients. Any mistake made has to be documented and corrected. Healthcare professionals are human, so mistakes will be made. When I make a mistake, I own up to it and try to let it roll off me with variable success. I don’t beat myself up as much as I used to, but I used to beat myself up a LOT. I try to find a way not to make that mistake again. I suspect many healthcare professionals have developed OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).

Cherish Your Loved Ones

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Put aside differences. Let your spouse, children, parents, friends, etc. know how much you love and value them. Spend time with each other and make each other feel special. You never know when you will see someone for the last time. Don’t have regrets.

Look Death in the Eye

If you’ve read and studied as many Near Death Experiences as I have, you would know that death is not something to be feared. Rather, it sounds like the afterlife will be warm, welcoming and full of love. You will see your loved ones who have passed, and you will be enveloped by God’s love. In short, it will be the greatest adventure of a lifetime!

After nearly fourteen years of writing, researching, and editing, I am excited to announce the release of my novel. It is available for free in Kindle Unlimited on Amazon until March (and for a price thereafter) and also available in paperback and hardback for a price. 

Here is what it is about:

Claire Moretti is the daughter of a mob boss, but has long since moved away from the family to work as a Catholic special education teacher and is about to become a nun. However, these plans unravel when her father is murdered and she must go home to confront the family, attend the funeral, and deal with her alcoholic mother. But the return home also brings up other elements of her past, the unwanted attentions of a psychotic ex-boyfriend, and a challenge to her core beliefs through a lustful attraction to one of her father’s men. No longer able to insulate herself from these challenges, she faces the ultimate test. Will she achieve her dream to enter the convent, or will she succumb to the temptations of her father’s world? And is she good enough for true love because of her tainted past?

While this book has Christian themes, it is not a Pollyanna story. It contains sexual assault, intimate scenes, and some profanity. These elements will challenge readers of faith about whether they should isolate themselves from the world and those of differing beliefs, or if they can enter it and maintain their goodness.

This book can best be described as a romantic thriller. If you decide to give it a try, I hope you enjoy it!

I am writing the final edit (hopefully) of my novel, and I’ve learned a lot. Let me share with you some things that you may or may not know about novel writing:

• In elementary school, I remember a homework assignment in which we had to write sentences using at least five adjectives and/or adverbs.  It led me to believe that good writers used them a lot.  WRONG.  At least in fiction writing, the use of adjectives and adverbs is considered LAZY.
  • Instead of saying, “He spoke angrily.”
  • It is much better to describe the man like this:
    • His face reddened,and you could see the veins pop out of his neck.  He glared at the girl and said, “No.”
• When I first thought about writing a novel, I wanted to show a protagonist who had spiritual strength.  Very quickly I learned, that in order to do this, you must create conflict.  You have to be willing to make your characters SUFFER.  Think of some of the most edge-of-your seat movies that have you seen.  Were the main characters suffering?  You bet.  I remember someone saying that they only wanted to read positive books.  Well, if you want to read spiritual books that are not fiction, then that’s okay.  But in fiction, books get pretty boring if there is no conflict and no suffering.  That is also why soap operas never have complete resolution.
• Making your character suffer may include violence.  These scenes are hard for me to write.  On the other hand, I love my villain.  In fact, I wish I could bring him to life and introduce him to a couple people.
• Romantic scenes were also hard for me to write.  As a Catholic convert, I have taken up the guilt aspect of the religion quite naturally.  In order to write a love scene, you have to fantasize a romance.  I wondered if, by doing this, I was being unfaithful to my husband and committing a sin.  I even asked a priest.  He laughed and said, “No.”
• Point-of-view is a huge decision.  My first couple of drafts were in the third person.  After some frustration, I decided it would give me more freedom by writing in the first person.  Therefore, I rewrote the ENTIRE draft in the first person.
• Setting is also a huge decision.  After much thought, I decided to set my novel in the eighties. My protagonist is in her twenties, and I was also in my twenties in the eighties.  This makes it is easier for me to tell her story.  I grew up with less  technology, and so does my main character.
• Tying up all the strings and making the story realistic is much harder than you think.  If you are a lounging-on-the-couch critic of every movie and TV show you watch saying, “That’s not possible,” or “That’s not realistic,” I challenge you to give it try.
• Many of the movies that I watch are horribly written.  This gives me hope that I have a chance to get published.
• While I’m not a perfect writer in that I have forgotten many of the rules of grammar, I am hoping that, because I have a good story, it will make up for it.  There are many books that are not well-written but have a good story and have become best sellers.
• When editing my rough draft, there were sections that I don’t even remember writing.  I was surprised at how good the writing was.  On the other hand, there were some sections that made me cringe.
• When you are writing a big book with over 100,000 words, sometimes you forget details.  For example, I named a church St. Mary’s at the beginning of the book and realized that I referred to it as St. Elizabeth’s towards the end of the book.
• Sometimes, pieces of my story fit together without any conscious thought or effort on my part.  I found this to be the most amazing and rewarding part of writing.
• A spiritual director, a priest, once told me, “People will name your gifts.”  Because I have been told that I was a good writer, I decided to try and develop this talent as one of God’s gifts to me.  This is the main reason that I challenged myself to write a novel.
• I won’t be heartbroken if my novel doesn’t sell.  I just want to bring the project to completion.  I have learned so much, and it is a much more constructive hobby than TV watching or living on social media.